Comments for blog.limedaley.com/post/fun-weekend-long-overdue

Comment #933

2006-09-27T15:53:51Z

"What happens when distractions don't work?" You do something else. I've never yet found one tool that worked for every situation. And nothing seems to work for cell phone users, though I've heard of people loudly commenting on personal details of the conversation, which sometimes has a salutory effect.

Comment #932

2006-09-27T14:19:57Z

What happens when distractions don't work? I was sitting on the bus yesterday across from a small child who continued to shriek even though her mom tried to distract her with different things and try to get her to make different sounds.

As I was getting off the bus, I walked to the front, and wondered how loud the shrieking would be heard up front, but discovered it was drowned out by a lady yelling into a cell phone.

Comment #931

2006-09-27T13:22:02Z

"when it's someone else's kids I'm never quite sure what to do" There is a very good argument for why the children's own parents should be taking care of them the vast majority of the time. This is exactly the reason I did not enjoy babysitting very much when I was a teenager. Even now that I have more experience with my own children, it's still different with other people's children.

Comment #930

2006-09-27T00:15:23Z

I don't think I'll be able to "distract" my own children much when they come (I wasn't raised that way, either), but when it's someone else's kids I'm never quite sure what to do. But it does seem that God has built an incredible amount of flexibility in children to forgive the mistakes of their parents :-)

Comment #929

2006-09-26T02:05:47Z

Yep, that's the age-old problem. Each child is different, and a cookie-cutter approach to childrearing rarely works. But general principles apply, nonetheless -- not that it's always easy to figure them out, or to apply them!

About distracting: I think it's a great tool in some circumstances, and can turn a negative into a positive, which I believe in strongly (part of the Conspiracy of Yes). As in, "You may not play with the dump truck right now, because Nate is using it, but you may play with this bulldozer instead." Or, "Look, Sammy is playing with the blocks; let's go show him how to build a castle, and let Nate play with the bulldozer right now." But I agree wholeheartedly that sneaking out on a child is deceptive, unfair, probably harmful, and only relieves the parent at the expense of the child and the caregiver.

Comment #928

2006-09-26T01:44:35Z

Yes, that was it - I can't quite remember how he said it - he has a trouble with G's unless he really concentrates.

I rephrased the part about the tv since I realized that you would probably read this, and that it wasn't quite clear that "other" (I think) people had put the tv on prior to you showing up...

The thing about distractions is that it doesn't really solve the problem. I was talking recently with someone about whether discipling (heh, interesting typo -- I meant to say disciplining, but I suppose discipling is relevant here too) or distracting is a better way of training a child for the long term, or just getting by for the short term. An example I have seen of the distraction method is how some parents try to interest their child in a toy when dropping them off at the nursery so then they can sneak off to church, or even worse, saying, "I'll be back in a minute", when really they mean two hours. The children start out noticing the parent is gone perhaps right as they walk out the door, then within a month, maybe they don't notice until a minute later, and the care-givers can comfort the child. I was in the nursery the other day when the parents snuck out on their toddlers, I was saddened to see the children glance around later, look at the door, and then continue playing - they have been conditioned, and I guess it is working, but I wonder what the child is thinking.

Hrm. I guess you can tell this is something I care about a fair bit. It is too bad it is probably too hard to figure out what the kids are thinking until they are way older, and by then they probably don't care, and have grown out of, or gotten used to whatever they grew up with, so probably still can't talk intelligently, or scientifically about if distractions are a good way to parent or not.

Thanks for your encouraging words. I suppose now is a good time to quote the person who said, "I used to have five child raising theories and no kids, now I have five kids and no theories." We do like how we are teaching Jonathan for the most part, but I wonder how much is his personality, and how much is what we are doing. I guess we need to have more children to figure that out... :)

Comment #927

2006-09-26T00:59:28Z

About care group--Gumby was on for 5 or 10 minutes, so that might have been the movie he thought was "strange." I think it's strange, too. The TV is a useful visual distraction while parents leave, but I find it irritating. Jonathan's attention during meetings is actually very encouraging, and I'm hoping to follow your example if I'm blessed with children.

Comment #926

2006-09-25T17:12:12Z

Amen, Serina! I've fought age discrimination in churches for years. Though I don't have much credibility when I say I'm opposed to "Children's Church," having come to that position AFTER our children were too old to participate. But of course that also says my opinion comes from experience....

Comment #925

2006-09-25T16:21:33Z

We keep our kids through the service, too, for many reasons. It can be challenging in the young years, but worth it.

I'm always interested in a church where they encourage it; most are adamantly opposed to worshipping together with all ages. The biggest turn off was a local mega church with a sign basically banning babies from the sanctuary.

Comment #924

2006-09-25T14:29:22Z

"lie in bed": yes, now that I read it again, it doesn't sound like it is going to be all that fun...

The church name is something like South Butler Community Church - though I can't seem to find their web site now. It is pretty far, though the church does tend to spend some of Sunday afternoon together too.

Comment #923

2006-09-25T13:00:13Z

I actually wasn't feeling better until they got home at midnight on Friday - then I realized that my fever had broken. I would say that Saturday was the gradually getting better day, since that day was just recovering from not eating much on Friday.

I can't remember exactly the name of the Kuhns church, Butler Community something.

Comment #922

2006-09-25T02:08:12Z

Wow! Great stories! I did wonder at first about this line: "she just wanted to lie in bed all day with flu-like symptoms." :)

Comment #921

2006-09-25T01:24:57Z

What church to the Kuhns attend?