Comments for sursumcorda.salemsattic.com/post/introverts-in-the-church

Comment #2196

2010-10-25T17:34:46Z

Sorry, I commented without seeing the above two comments. I like what joyful said about being happy when the family comes back. Part of my problem is that I do very much enjoy being with people and having my baby at my side. It's just that somehow I need some space or I go crazy - it's frustrating and hard to describe, so I'm happy at least to hear from other mothers who feel the same way and lived to tell the tale!

Comment #2195

2010-10-25T17:05:09Z

It's interesting that he describes it as an out-of-body experience. I feel much the same way since I had Joseph. I'm not sure where Janet went and I've been play-acting at being a mom. When I'm around people I'm bouncy enough, but afterwards I feel disoriented. I get a similar feeling from too much computer, especially if I use any form of instant messaging. That's part of why the idea of going cold-turkey with the computer is so appealing to me, but I just can't do it . . .

Comment #2194

2010-10-25T13:10:39Z

Yes, having a husband who at least understands that I need alone time (even if he doesn't really understand it himself) really does help. For sure, there are many many times of overstimulation for the introvert mom, everybody wanting not only your attention, but to be touching you, at once.

Lots of prayer and depending on the Heavenly Father for strength is also essential.

That way, an introvert mother can be a joyful mother and even look forward to having everyone jumping all over her again when they come back from their outing. (: When the rest of my family went on a bike trip earlier this month, I truly enjoyed my day to myself, but I was also very happy to have them all back in the evening.

Comment #2193

2010-10-25T12:09:00Z

This is where dads are so helpful to introvert moms. As the children get older, the dads can take them to events or to visit other family members, giving Mom a couple of hours/days completely to herself. It does wonders!

Comment #2192

2010-10-25T10:21:53Z

I'll know more when I get my hands on the book, but I'm afraid it won't answer your questions, being more about churches than about the phenomenon itself. But we shall see; and perhaps there will be more information on the blog.

In the interview McHugh mentions that the brain chemical imbalance results in feelings of disorientation, or what one author called "introverted vapor lock." I believe the latter is an internal combustion engine analogy, and I hope some car enthusiast will explain it, but it doesn't sound good.

He also gives a personal example of a time when he was required, at a retreat, to be in constant social interaction mode for a couple of days. He started having physical symptoms, being incredibly tired even though he was getting enough sleep. He said it was sort of an out-of-body experience; he felt as if he were watching himself, and was disoriented and confused. It took him two or three days after that retreat to fully recover both physically and emotionally.

(Side note: this is one reason I prefer reading text to listening, though the latter does work better on walks and when driving. It took a lot longer to find that information again, and to listen, type, rewind, listen, type, rewind, etc.)

It is admittedly hard to be a new mother. If you're an extrovert, you feel isolated and bored (typing that I think I finally understand why some moms feel that way!), and if you're an introvert you cannot get the processing time you desperately need. But it does get better!

Here's another quote from the Introverted Church blog discussion on Africa:

My introverted friends seem to find other ways of getting their needed processing time. In some tribes, for instance, it's considered rude to carry on a conversation while eating. Other people I know seem to do a lot of internal processing while cooking or doing laundry. I, on the other hand, when I lived in a more communal setting a few years ago, would spend three times as long as necessary going to the bathroom, simply because that was the only place where I knew I wouldn't be disturbed!

As difficult as it seems now, livin' la vida mama is good for introverts, because physical work, if it's not too strenuous, is conducive to thinking (George MacDonald mentions that more than once), and babies don't even mind if you think out loud. :) How to deal well with interruptions is a problem I still haven't solved. I always remember a great passage in Tolkien's Leaf by Niggle: The main character was in life always troubled by interruptions, as one suspects Tolkien was himself. In a sort of purgatory, Niggle learns to handle them:

He could take up a task the moment one bell rang, and lay it aside promptly the moment the next one went, all tidy and ready to be continued at the right time. He got through quite a lot in a day, now; he finished small things off neatly. He had no "time of his own" (except alone in his bed-cell), and yet he was becoming master of his time; he began to know just what he could do with it. There was no sense of rush. He was quieter inside now, and at resting-time he could really rest.

Heather and other introvert mothers reading this blog: what tips and tricks can you add?

Comment #2191

2010-10-25T07:10:58Z

I'd love to read it, but I doubt the University of Basel libraries carry it. I'm curious to learn about introverts who become mothers. Already being an introvert with a husband provides enough stimulation, but with a being that constantly needs your attention, when can an introvert get the necessary alone time without alienating the people she loves? And what does an introvert with too much stimulation and a chemical imbalance in the brain look like?