Comments for sursumcorda.salemsattic.com/post/thinking-about-christmas-stress

Comment #2836

2019-05-06T03:27:15Z

IrishOboe - Amazing. I must be getting our daughters mixed up again. I clearly remember one of you saying the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas went too fast. Perhaps that was in our pre-homeschooling days. Anyway, it's great to know that you have good cookie-making memories. And you're right, my mom probably felt guilty for not spending enough time doing things like that with us, even though my memory is that she did a lot. Guilt is written into the Motherhood Contract.

Pami - Thanks! And thanks for reminding us about the Advent calendar. What could be more appropriate for an early-December birthday? :)

One of the wonderful things about our local Christmas in the Park was that in the two-hour concert/sing-along all but one or two of the songs were clearly CHRISTmas carols.

jondaley - I would say that importance is one of the characteristics of duty, but not the defining one. I agree with your definition, but if we have a responsibility or an obligation, it takes on importance whether we think it is important or not. (That's why the office Christmas party example I made up is in Quadrant 2: you don't think it's important, but your boss does.

To clarify for others what you said about replacing words in quotes, this is (part of) what I said in my Facebook comment: Consider: "Whenever life begins to burden, it’s a sign that I’ve taken on something of the world and not of Christ. Any weight in life has to be of this world." You're right that it's risky to modify the words of a quotation, but I stand by this one, as broadening the perspective to make a point: Should life be any less "of Christ" than Christmas?

Comment #2835

2011-12-14T14:05:35Z

Brenda - thank you for your comment. I apologize for the moderation that makes it slow to appear, but spam comments are getting more and more frequent, especially time of year.

Your Christmas Eve tradition sounds wonderful on several levels. It could just as well be a New Year's Eve exercise, or an Advent meditation. Once a homeschooler, always a homeschooler: My mind immediately leaps to educational applications. If I had small children I would consider beginning the letters for each child on the first day of Advent ("Dear Jesus,"), and then "opening" them for more thoughts on each subsequent day. By Christmas they should, at least in theory, have become acquainted with the habit of gratitude - and will over the years accumulate a fascinating record of their childhoods. Thank you!

joyful - an enlightening analysis, thanks! I realize now that the primary definition in my mind (and gut) is the engineering one. What you refer to as "stress(2)" I would call "negative stress" or "too much stress." What is confusing, I now realize, is that I do use the word in the second sense, as a kind of shorthand, if I think the context makes it clear.

Of course, it's unfair to Ann Voskamp to hang too much on a single quotation taken out of context. Here, it was just a springboard for some thoughts I've had quite independently. For all I know, she and I may be in considerable agreement. What inspired me to become involved in the original Facebook conversations was two concerns I had with the out-of-context sense of the statement: (1) Some people will take it as a justification for not doing something that is important, just because they see it as a burden. It's hard to find an example of that, because that's not character of the people I know, but it's a theoretical possibility. Of more concern is (2) Many people will hear that sentiment and add to their Christmas stress (sense 2) a feeling of guilt for not finding the season entirely comfort and joy.

"But if that single cable had to hold up the whole bridge, it would be a very bad thing - it would be "stressed out", to the breaking point." Amen. This is a word mothers especially need to hear, and learn to delegate. I am so grateful for a husband who loves to write Christmas cards! He leaves a few for me, but for the most part my job (and my love) is to write the Christmas newsletter. (I know. Many people think sending and receiving Christmas cards to be a waste of time. We don't.)

Comment #2834

2011-12-14T11:45:52Z

sorry for the spacing in that comment - I wrote it in my email first and it was hard to see in the text box where the extra spaces were.

Also, I think that as I grew older, the time of Advent grew shorter, and that is what Mom remembers. But as a child, I remember it being long.

Comment #2833

2011-12-14T11:44:26Z

It seems to me the main concern Jon has is with the definition of "stress". The engineering definition has to do with work, force, tension (as in a cable). The modern cultural definition focuses on those things to an excessive degree and comes with fretting; think "stressed out."

"Hard work" does not mean "stress" as our culture uses it.

I can fall into bed exhausted every night from the hard work of doing

my job as wife, mother, housekeeper, etc., but with peace in my heart, soul,

and mind, knowing that I'm doing the work God has called me to.

Or I can fall into bed exhausted, worry in my mind, tension in my body,

turbulence in my soul, forgetting that God is in control of my life so I don't have to be.

And often, those two situations can happen with the exact same physical work being done, only a difference in the focus of my thoughts.

I suspect that is what Mrs.Voskamp's quote is pointing to. If you're

feeling stressed out, stop and evaluate. Are my thoughts focused in the right place? Am I doing the right things?

The point is that the heavy burden of stress(2) should be eliminated for the light burden that Jesus gives us. (Tension in a cable holding up a suspension bridge is a good thing - that's the work it is supposed to do.

But if that single cable had to hold

up the whole bridge, it would be a very bad thing - it would be "stressed out", to the breaking point.)

Comment #2832

2011-12-14T03:29:42Z

Thank you for this post. It's a lot to think about, but especially at this time of year it's valuable thought process.

One of the best stress-reducers I've introduced to my life is a small Christmas tradition. (I'm a single woman, so I'm the only one practicing it.) On Christmas Eve, I write the Lord two thank you letters--one for the year that's gone by, and one for the year to come. I keep the letters in one place, and sometimes revisit them. This has opened up a most liberating sense of gratitude, without placing expectation on other family or friends. That expectation--as well as feeling many things expected--seems to have been at the core of a lot of my Christmastime stress. When my heart and mind are focused on the Lord, it's a lot easier to only shoulder his burden.

Comment #2831

2011-12-13T19:54:24Z

I'm not sure where Ms. Voskamp gets the idea that Christmas (or, more generally, life) shouldn't be a burden. Doesn't Matthew 11:28-30 imply that there will be a burden, albeit a lighter one? Wouldn't the entire absence of any burden imply that we are no longer affected by the fall, which so plainly affects our daily life? The Benedictine monks chose "ora et labora" for a reason.

Comment #2830

2011-12-13T13:13:03Z

I'll agree with Janet on the time being slow between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I, too, remembering how long it took between door-openings.

can't comment more now, hopefully later.

Comment #2829

2011-12-13T13:00:04Z

By the way, the choice of axes is a triple hat tip: To Rabindranath Tagore, who said, "I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was duty. I acted and behold, duty was joy!"; to Erik Routley's hymn, In Praise of God Meet Duty and Delight; and to Ashley Burell, our choir director many years back, who introduced me to the concept.

Comment #2828

2011-12-13T12:05:19Z

i think the difference is in your definition of duty. i think you are defining it as "importance", where I would define it as a responsibility or obligation, whether or not i think it important.

also, i couldn't figure out how to phrase it on facebook, so i didn't bother responding, but i'd guess there are lots of quotes that if you replace words in them, become not true, and so I don't see how that shows a quote is wrong as it stands as originally said.

Comment #2827

2011-12-13T04:07:10Z

So on one note...gifts of appropriateness... I remember our dear friends sending our eldest an advent calendar for her Birthday...a beautiful one that could be re-used year after year!!! We always looked forward to getting out the advent calendar!!

I THINK she sent a thank you but in case she didn't ... let me say a most robust, "THANK YOU"!!

Might I also take a tight hold of this opportunity to say, "MERRY CHRISTmas" and "HAPPY NEW YEAR" to each and every member of the ever growing Wightman family!! May all of your Christmas carols be Christ centered and all your Christmas seasons be FILLED to OVERFLOWING with HIS peace, love, acceptance, joy...but most importantly HIS PRESENCE!

HUGS and KISSES from Aunt Pami and Uncle Tony or just plain Pami and Tony

Comment #2826

2011-12-12T20:55:59Z

There's too much to respond too intelligently, so I'll just briefly say that I very well knew the feeling of how time dragged between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Of course it wouldn't feel that way for you, but I wasn't stressing over Christmas preparations and I would look at the Advent calendar several times a day thinking it took AGES until the next day when we could open another door!

I know later in life I was too lazy to want to decorate cookies, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hold special memories for me. I'm trying very hard to keep my Christmas activities to the minimum so I have energy for pushing Baby#2 out, but I have a short list of cookies to make and we've scheduled family time for making cutouts together. Remember, how your kids see things can be quite different from how you see it. It could even be that your mother thinks she didn't spend enough time decorating cookies with you, but in your mind it was the most wonderful thing in the world!