Comments for sursumcorda.salemsattic.com/post/what-do-you-do-all-day-only-everything

Comment #4927

2015-04-13T19:36:31Z

Hmm, I don't know, I feel like I've said what I wanted to and now I'm kinda waiting for you to chime in...

Comment #4926

2015-04-12T20:06:16Z

This is great and shows why I shouldn't be so quick to comment on my own posts. I'm holding off until I can use a real keyboard—look how a good discussion starts when I hold back.

Comment #4925

2015-04-12T18:25:05Z

Yes, that's what my first response was intended to be. Just goes to show how hard it is to communicate well...

Comment #4924

2015-04-12T17:49:58Z

The last question is from Janet, not Stephan (he used my account and I didn't notice) . . .

Comment #4923

2015-04-12T17:49:13Z

I think I misunderstood. Stephan, was your first comment a suggestion for how one could respond to the "what do you do?" question? I read it at first as another way to ask the initial question.

Comment #4922

2015-04-12T12:11:32Z

*summarize it, not them.

Comment #4921

2015-04-12T12:10:06Z

Correct. I've always struggled with that question, because in terms of time spent, most probably goes into writing e-mails. And if you put it that way, surely what I do is pretty unproductive, right?

So, as Walsh gleefully points out, people get uncomfortable in a hurry when pressed as to what they do at work, and usually don't realize that it's merely a taste of their own medicine. (Corollary: a taste of one's own medicine is only salutary if the patient realizes it's his own medicine.)

If I want to sound more important, I might come up with an answer like "I do maintenance work on the lab process and try to make as much of it as possible preventive maintenance." That's a more functional view of those e-mails and standards I deal with, more satisfying to me - and impossible to frame on the spot. (I had to think about that before typing, and might have come up with something else another day. [I did here.])

But since conversations tend to get awkward and testy if at least one party has no compunctions about making the other feel uncomfortable, perhaps Linda's suggestion could work as a humorous end to the discussion, especially if followed by a change of subject. Or, if we suspect the person asking didn't intend to make us feel uncomfortable, something like:

That question makes me quite uncomfortable, perhaps adding: I find what I do worthwhile, but I doubt I can summarize them in a short sentence, nor am I certain that you would find them as worthwhile as I do.

Comment #4920

2015-04-12T11:49:08Z

The problem is, it is impossible to tell the heart-motive of a simple question. I don't think there is any proper way to word the question of what a stay-at-home parent does. Either the asker is genuinely open to learning, or he is not, and it is remarkably difficult to descern in the moment. However, with even a little bit of dialogue I think it is possible to accurately judge the interest level of the asking party. My question is, how do you respond to the question in a way that furthers the conversation a little bit to make that judgement possible? I don't want to shut people down right away, but I also don't want to feel forced to sum up my complex and deeply personal life in a sentence no matter how interested the other is. I think Mom's point is that the question makes us extremely uncomfortable because so much hangs in the balance and there is no possible way to describe everything about what one does, yet the question implies that it is possible to give such a summary. I think you would have similar trouble with the question "If you were at work today, how would you spend your day?"

Comment #4919

2015-04-11T20:46:20Z

Louis Armstrong is (mis?)reported as answering the question "What is jazz?" with "Man, if you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know."

I think that quote stuck because it gives jazz a mystical flavor and a gnostic appeal, where only the initiates could truly understand and partake and any understanding you felt or intuited meant you grokked jazz, if only a bit. If that's what you're aiming for, then your suggestion is a good and effective reply.

But I'd only use it when it's clear that the questioner is being condescending and is not interested in real dialogue. Otherwise, it shuts down the discussion and prevents the genuinely curious from learning something.

What would you think - you do have a considerable experiental advantage over me - of the following:

If you were home with your kids, how would you spend your day?